Have you ever met yourself?

These past 2 years I’ve met parts of myself I never knew existed. Deep emotional, uncomfortable truths of who I’ve been, who I am, how I’ve lived, what I’ve accepted, how I’ve behaved, how I’ve been treated and how I’ve treated people. All of which I see and accept as parts of me.

The truth is to live fully, we have to fully accept all those parts of us, and personally I think, to love those parts and appreciate everything we’ve experienced. The best part is by accepting these things and seeing them as all a contribution to who you are today and who you become more of in the future, that we can release all the fuckin shame and guilt we hold. By releasing those emotions we can live and feel more free, to become more of ourselves. To live outside of the tiny box we put ourselves in, outside of who we think we are or who and how we think we should be.

I’ve met the deepest pain and anger that I’ve held inside me for so long and I can’t help but feel such gratitude for it and for every experience I’ve had in life and every person I’ve come into contact with, because each and every moment and interaction has led me to who I am right now, sat writing this. The most amazing part is I’ve fallen in love with her, with myself.

I never knew that I didn’t love myself and I never knew what it would take to get me here and I didn’t know that I had to. I didn’t know I could feel so much for me because I’ve always invested it into others. Now I can have it and feel it for myself, means weirdly I get to be able to show up better for others because I know my boundaries. We all experience pain, trauma and bad and good and amazing things all on differnt levels but they all lead us and create who we get to be “with the bad comes the good and the bad comes the good and im gunna live my life like I should” Limpbizkit lyrics lol random. I didn’t know actually how hard it is to love yourself truly and fully and that it is daily work and investment into myself to keep making sure I just keep exploring more of me, because life is for me. Your life is for you.

When you get to know yourself so well and observe yourself and admit things to yourself about yourself, you get to either make changes if you want to and or become more of the things you really think are great. I know who I am, I know who I’ve been, I know who I am becoming more of. I know what I want and how I want to live. Each day I am moving more and more into that version of me. I have spent so long hiding parts of myself and my full self, out of fear, fear of other peoples judgment or fear of making others uncomfortable. Maybe because I was never comfortable with who I was fully. The shitty parts, the weird as fuck parts and so I didn’t see the great parts either. Now, I’m moving into more of not giving a fuck and just let it all out!

We don’t have to be all of one thing, we are all of our parts and we’re allowed to be ourselves and do what the fuck we want. To shine, to show up fully, to be loud, quiet, expressive, emotional, angry, loving, sexual, passionate, fun, serious. All of it, allow it, give yourself permission and stop waiting for anyone to give you permission to do what it is you want to do. Let yourself want and desire things and take the action to make them happen. It’s all a work in progress each moment at a time.

I honestly can’t thank the world enough for giving me the heart and crazy brain I have, I can’t thank the people enough and everything I've got to do and things I have been through, because in the hard times is where the most growth happens and we become something greater and get to experience something even more exceptional and it helps us to be so appreciative of everything in our lives right now.