Binge & emotional eating
I know I’m not alone in this. I see it all the time. It’s a real thing and it’s a problem and it’s what’s keeping you stuck in a body you don’t feel comfortable in. I don’t mean the size of it either but it could be that too.
It’s a huge subject to cover and talk about and could be quite sensitive. The thing is a lot of us make it OK to do. Maybe you’re ok with doing it, but I bet that you aren’t.
Binge eating, emotional eating and over eating is something I’ve done since a young age. There is loads of factors that have contributed to it. One is almost everyone around me did it. Even the media/society have made it a thing to be ok with. From selling food in relation to feeling good and bringing happiness and helping sadness, to telling us to eat everything on our plates before we can have dessert, to now encouraging people to eat all their food so that we reduce food waste! It’s even being taught in schools to young children asking us as parents to encourage them to eat ALL their food!! I’m fucking angry at this! I spoke to my daughter’s school about it. This is teaching and has taught us to OVERRIDE our bodies natural cues of feeling full and to favour not wasting food or having to eat everything or more before you have something sweet! It is madness it is WRONG.
Ever notice if when your child is emotional you try distracting them with food or if they’re not doing what you want you try and entice them and bribe them by offering sweets or chocolate or cake or something! I’ve caught my self in the past doing it, to try and help her avoid her emotional discomfort. I noticed I was doing it and stopped and actually just let her feel and move through her emotions. Im trying to teach her that its safe to feel what she feels, the anger, the sadness the frustration whatever it might be, I let her express it and then we talk about it after if she needs to. We discuss what she feels in her body and why she felt like it. Sometime she knows, sometimes she doesn’t.
I digress slightly, so I like a lot of people learnt that the fasted way to not feel my uncomfortable feelings, whatever that might be, from boredom to sadness to pain even happiness was to use food to change my state every time it happened the neural pathway got stronger and a habit was from so automatic that I never knew that’s what drove the eating. Every Friday after school I was given £5 from my nan and was allowed to buy whatever I wanted from the shop, I spent it all on sweets, crisps and chocolates and when we got to her house I ate it all, I’d then eat dinner and then I’d eat dessert, it was all allowed by her. Little did we know it was feeding an addiction to the sugar, it was setting me up for a life of binge eating “goodies”.
It followed through in my teenage years and adult life, because I hated my body so much my quickest way to ease the discomfort of that was to fucking eat! To spend loads of money on all the food I wanted, to eat it all until I felt sick and then cry about how shit I felt and how fat I was going to get from it. I’d feel the awfulness and say I’m never doing it again and then say well I may as well get a pizza now or may as well have x y z. I would repeat. Then in the morning, waking up with absolute dread of what I’d done, I would say I’m cutting it all out, but the cycle repeated the pull was too strong, wiring was too fast I didn’t know how I’d ended up back where I was, stuffing my face until I felt sick again until I felt so awful I wanted to hurt myself for it and I hated myself even more for it. I’d eat in secret so no one knew I was doing it. There was times I did tell friends and we’d laugh about it, it almost became like a funny thing that I did. What have you eaten today?! I’d be asked.
The fitness industry and diet culture obviously never helped this cycle or cutting out all these things, sounds easy, but when you don’t address the emotional attachment and the thoughts and behaviour behind what your doing it doesn’t matter what plan you follow you end up back where you were again and again. The thing is too, I eat pretty healthy and so couldn’t understand why my body started to change and then suddenly I don’t know what happened and I’d be back where I was! Forever chasing this body goal! It was because of all the fuck it moments, all the oh just one will be ok which lead to more and more and then having to start again.
Today, I’ve completely detached from it, I said goodbye to it. It’s not who I am anymore. I know now I can choose freely the food I want to eat and be comfortable with it, I don’t need to cut anything out, there’s no being “good” I always have choice to have what I want. I don’t need to binge, I don’t need to eat all my food and more, I don’t need to numb my feelings. I get to feel relaxed around food, I get to live life. I’ve even let go of the coffee chasing. I’ve detached the identity and emoitianl tie to it. I’ve changed who I believe I am. I’ve taught myself I am safe and I don’t need to use food in that way, I don’t need hurt myself with it, I don’t need to restrict anything, I just get to choose what I want to eat. Today I focus on being strong, growing muscle, fuelling my body for this and feeling and being healthy because it’s who I am choosing to be. You can too! I’m here to teach and support you through it. If it’s something you need help with please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
Much love!