Body Image (Copy)
Here’s the thing about body image, it doesn’t matter what ANYONE else says or thinks about how you look, you will always feel the same about it until you start to take action on building your confidence. You can watch girls post about rolls and posed and unposed, you can read affirmations, you can say them to yourself. But, you have to believe the affirmations and start building the confidence by wearing the clothes, posting the photos, taking your cloths off and reject ALL the fucking SHIT you’re telling yourself about what other people MIGHT be thinking about you and your body and what you’re wearing. Wear the shorts, the crop top the whatever it is, down the road, to the shop, to the gym and breathe and say internally, or out loud, NO THANK YOU, NO THANK YOU, NO THANK YOU to EVERY crappy thought that comes in your head, because its BULLSHIT!!! You are gorgeous, you are worthy and you are valuable because you are, as you are.
This does not mean you can’t have a goal to lose body fat either btw, know this. It is OK if you want to lose body fat and it is also OK if you don’t.
The truth
I’ve hated my body since age 11. I woke up one morning put on a school skirt and WTF is that a pouch of fat on my lower tummy. I wanted to get rid of it and i’ve been trying ever since!! I succeeded on a couple of occasions in my 20s, once when I decided to eat one meal a day, nothing wrong with this, but I got by on caffeine and cigarettes. And another time when I did a 12 week body comp transformation with a PT 3 months no alcohol, sugar etc and at the end a huge binge which lead to weight gain. What didn’t change was my relationship to myself and the relationship I had with food. I’ll talk more about the binge and emotional on another post.
When I look in the mirror today I still don’t see the full version of me, I see the body that I’ve spent a life time abusing with food and self hate, I see a lifetime of self abandonment, self sabotage, self loathing, low self worth and confidence. I don’t like the body fat I have, I hate it. But big difference now is, I love myself and I am doing something about it, but out of SELF LOVE not hate. I don’t see me in the mirror, because who I believe I am is, sporty, athletic, healthy and lean, confident and powerful.
What I’ve learnt is, we are worthy because we are, because we’re human, worthy of love, pleasure, joy, the life we want, money, happiness, the body we want. We are worthy and deserving and valuable regardless of our body size. So let’s stop attaching our worth to some body fat. It can come, it can go, it’s no big deal, it doesn’t define us, but some of us let it define who we are and think we can’t change it.
Some people will think I’m insane for thinking I’m fat or have too much. But as I said this is individual and it doest matter what anyone else thinks. Before 11 I was really sporty and athletic and I was “skinny” I ate a lot of sweets and chocolate. “You’ll balloon out one day” I hear the voice of my mum. And I did so to speak. The words never left me until now.
I grew up with a mum, body checking, pinching rolls, “if I just lost this”, “do I look fat in this” and it wasn’t just her, it was almost every woman I knew, on and off diets, “being good”. Its not her fault, its from generations behind her, the media etc, nothing had been modelled to anyone where worth and value comes from and that were safe to be in the bodies that were in regardless. I had boyfriends tell me they don’t want to have sex with me because I was too fat and that if I lost some weight then maybe they’d want to have sex with me and if I just lost the belly I’d look good! WTF! It reinforced what I already thought was true.
Today that still plays out, determines what I wear, or how I hold myself in certain clothes, it determines who I think I can date and its stopped me being physically and emotionally intimate with anyone because I’m so scared of them thinking I’m fat WTF. LOL. So the work, is breathe and reject the ridiculous thoughts. Like when I first met up with someone, he gave a look and my automatic thought was, he thinks I’m fat and not that attractive and I continued to tell myself that even if they said I looked good. Madness.
I want my daughter to grow up feeling good in herself no matter what, to not to feel she has to hide her self or her body. So I better start modelling it for her to follow. Lets go. Here I am. NFG.