Rebel (Copy)

Here’s the back story behind the name. BTW this is filling me with absolute joy, sitting in my lounge, doors open, typing away all the chatter that I have inside my brain. Who knew I loved writing?! It’s orgasmic!

So where did the word rebel come from, weird how things come about right? Ive always been a bit of an “alternate thinker” likes to go against the grain. Like if lots of people are doing something, I probably don’t want to jump on the bandwagon. (sometimes I do of course). and if someone tells me to do something 9 times out of 10 i’m going to do the opposite! An example, there may be grammar and spelling mistakes in my work. Quite frankly, I don’t care, because who TF decided that matters, it doesn’t. Who says one way is right? Who decided on the whole of the UK having a correct spelling for one word? BS. I’ve also used the word rebel because I’d written a poem about my older sister, who was considered the rebel.

Growing up, my older sister was considered rebelious, she was always pushing back to parents and teachers control over her. My sister wanted freedom, to be herself, to do what she wanted to do, to be mutually respected. She did it, she showed up as herself and got punished for it. “Why can’t you be more like so and so”. What she wanted was faced with a no, so she did it anyway, which lead to more control. She was “difficult” and what came from more control was more pushback. “Off the rails”. Me on the other hand, I was seen as the “good girl”.

I thought it was funny she was always in trouble, because I was seen as the good one, because I kept quiet. I’d even do things that got us in trouble, but would blame my sister and I was believed and she wasn’t, because of the roles we played. What I witnessed was this… to be yourself = punishment, to want to explore things = not ok, to do what you want and speak up = more shouting etc. The thing is, I was exactly the same, but because I saw what happened, I did it all in secret. Which lead to me doing most things under a radar, under a false persona, with distance, but underneath the good girl act I was a “rebel” too if you want to call it that. Just no one knew.

So the name come from these things and the fact that I like to be a bit different and do things my way, not the way I’m told. What I’ve learnt these past few years, is we can do what the fuck we like.

*This short blog of truth, is not to blame or offend anyone, it’s just what was and wouldn’t change anything about my experience of life.