Well who the fuck are you?

Once I was asked, “who even are you” and it was because I wasn’t sharing my stuff, I was so closed and shut down. The truth is, I lost my voice, not sure if I ever had one because I didn’t feel safe speaking about things. there is only certain people I will share certain things with and that is when I feel safe enough to, when I feel seen and heard and felt and when there is enough space to share and when the other person reciprocates. But maybe that’s changing now because I feel safe within myself.

So this is who I am. I am someone that’s been deeply hurt, abandoned and lonely for a lot of life. I’ve been treated unkindly and disrepectfully, controlled and neaten down, emotionally and sometimes physically. I am someone that learnt and thought I had to give my whole self to others no matter what or who they were or how they behaved. I learnt that was love. I learnt that being nice and shutting up, being the peace keeper, meant I was good, liked and loved.

I am someone that feels things and loves deeply, I am someone who sees people for who they are, can see the good in everyone. I am someone that can’t stand negativity. I am someone who’s been through stuff, just like everyone else. But I am someone who over comes things, who wants things, dreams of things, wants a better life for herself. Who wants real love, deep love, not the one she learnt.

I am someone who cares deeply for others but at the same time doesn’t care at all! I am someone that learnt to do things alone, to deal with emotion alone because everyone else’s was for me to attend to and mange.

I learnt that I was nothing and didn’t matter.

I am now someone that can feel pain and hurt and move on from it. I am someone that’s willing to be open instead of shut down and insecure. I am someone who loves herself deeply for who she is, who believes and trusts herself fully. Someone who knows she’s been a liar, a cheater a villain in the past and only a victim of her own stuff.

I am someone who finds things hard sometimes just like everyone else, but always finds a way to see the light. I am someone who wants good in the world, who’s now willing to love openly, who learning how to let it in and receive it. Someone who’s learnt boundaries and self respect. who’s learnt to work with herself not against herself. Someone who’s started living the life she wants instead of just dreaming about it, hoping some day it will happen. We have to become it, the person who is already living that life you want.

I am someone who’s got to know who she truly is, what she likes and doesn’t like, what lights her up, what turns her on, who to be around and who not to.

I am someone that’s learnt to feel safe as herself within herself, learning to be expressive and truthful. Learning to find her voice and use it, to help teach it to others, learning that it all comes from within.

For me words are still sometimes difficult, I speak through my body like we all do.

That is who I am, on a soul level. I am many other things too but those are some. I have learnt sharing you stuff can help others too.

Let your body speak, learn to feel it and trust its knowing. You know who you are.

Lots of love.